Cream Puff Problems, Freeze-Dried Coffee, My Ridiculous Opinions about Sex, and of course, More After Pig Pen...

Cream Puff-itis:  How I Overdosed on Beard Papa's

Sorry.  What kind of name is that?  It just doesn't conjure up anything good.  A pedophile with a scratchy beard? But least of all a cream puff.  Geez.

I have been obsessing about creampuffs for the last six months.  They are not easy to find, which of course makes me so much more interested in them.

Every time my cheffie friend and I go for soup dumplings to Din Tai Fung in Arcadia, we pop across the lot for cream puffs at JJ's Bakery.  Not too bad if you sprinkle some cocoa powder on them too.  And for less than a dollar, a pure bargain.

So what about this weird Beard Papa thing?  First of all, they are ensconced in malls.  I don't do malls.  Indoor, outdoor...doesn't matter.  I don't go.  I have things to return to Williams & Sonoma.  I just can't do it. 

Usually.  Yesterday, I was a glutton for punishment probably because we got word  that we were called back to the shitty job later this week. 

In a fit of depression, I drove to Hollywood & Highland  in monsoon rains, parked in the crappiest parking lot on earth, put on a spelunking hat and set off to find the cream puff store.

Suffice it to say that I went in endless circles in the rain (hello outdoor mall!) looking for it even though I carefully studied the absolutely useless directory near the escalator bank.

When I got there, the cranky girl behind the counter had just come out from the back of the shop. She glared at me like I was a total bitch for having disturbed her nap. 

When I started asking questions about their four (?) flavors of cream puffs I realized how smart she was.  She answered me with unintelligible word like sounds just so that I wouldn't ask any more questions.  F it!  I just ordered all four and two more for insurance purposes (plain, in case I didn't like the flavored ones).    I wonder if they trained her to do that?

All I can tell you is that by the time my GF showed up to pick me up for dinner that night, I think I still had powdered sugar all over my face, in my hair, and all that was left in the cream puff box were the soggy tops of the four that I hadn't eaten in the car on the way home.

And they weren't even that good!  What is wrong with me???

I think I am over it.  But I wonder if cheffie feels like going for soup dumplings this week?

Starbucks Via?  

Sanka tastes better than that.  I guess there is a market for big name coffee that is just as bad as any other freeze-dried stuff.  I was skeptical, but at least I tried it.  It tasted just like the freeze-dried Maxwell House coffee my crazy mother drank when I was a kid.  C'mon Starbucks...I'd participate in a blind taste test to prove it.

Is Sex a Responsibility in a Relationship?

I did open the door in my last post.  I have heard people say that if you don't feel like having sex anymore, just "do it" and then you will want to again.  That is so silly.  Hormone changes (male and female), physical pain from a problem such as endometriosis, psychological trauma - as well as zillions of other issues can lead to a non-interest in sex that, yes people, could last forever if nothing is done to address it.


If you are single, I don't think you have any obligation to do anything about it if you don't want to.  BUT. If you are in a relationship it's a different story entirely.  What if you are with someone who has a markedly different sex drive, or you have been with someone who has lost their sex drive entirely (hey...maybe it's not you)?


I think you have to talk about it and figure out how this is affecting the relationship and then chart a course to address it in a way that works for both people.


I have also heard this from some married folks: "If I lost my sex drive, my spouse would just have to deal with it."  Really?  I bet they will deal with it. 


Isn't sex a relationship responsibility that lies with both parties?


Maybe people should add it to their wedding vows.   What do you think?

After the Pig Penitentiary

Before heading back to the latest vile project that I was recently furloughed from, but before sharing any more anecdotes about my work life, I think it is time put in to words, no matter how exhausting, exactly what it is I reluctantly do for a living.  It's for those of you who don't know WTF I do.  But  I have to do it in parts.

Guide to A Contract Attorney's Life as a Document Reviewer

Part One

Document Review Project During the discovery phase of large scale litigation (think Apple v Samsung) millions of documents are traded (not willingly of course) between the parties to the lawsuit. Most law firms do not have the internal resources to "review" these documents.


Most law firms wouldn't care if a monkey or a homeless person worked for them during this phase in the litigation because most of these cases are never going to court. However, it isn't really ethical or hygienic to hire teams of monkeys or homeless people (although I am sure these possibilities have been tossed around quite a bit in conference rooms across the country).


If hiring a monkey or a homeless person is not an option, the next best, cheapest option that meets the marginal ethical and hygiene requirements is to draw a team from the absolute lowest possible tier on the legal totem pole... a temporary Contract Attorney. An added bonus is that hiring contract attorneys provides the best opportunity for giving low level staff at the law firm a true shot at abusing someone else for a change.

More to come...